Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(361): View more from Texas

Did i throw a brick at someone last night?

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(805): View more from California

I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.

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(757): View more from Virginia

She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up

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(347): View more from New York

Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.

(718): View more from New York

Truth. Respect the hustle.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.

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(212): View more from New York

Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.

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(786): View more from Florida

Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.

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