He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
