Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
