We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
