Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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