Kiss
Puke
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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