I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
