you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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