i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
