you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
