i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
