That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
