He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
