I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
