When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
