I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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