he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize