i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
