If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
