I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize