After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
