as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
