Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
