Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
