Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
