Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
