We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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