so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
