What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
