Heybabeimwearingurpanties
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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