i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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