He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We don't watch enough power rangers
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize