I think I am morally bankrupt
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
