i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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