I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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