there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
