Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
