He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
