Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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