The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
NoShamevember. You game?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
