wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I miss vodka workout Fridays
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
