Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
