Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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