It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize