it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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