Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I puked a lego.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
