i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
