Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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