At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
