His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
