Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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