Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
