is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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