If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
