Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
