it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
