Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
