watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
