I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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