I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
