So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
