I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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