I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
