Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
