She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize