Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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