he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
