You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize