Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
