How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
