So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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