what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
