i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
