Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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